All the cool people who land up reading this article, might not be the regular monks who would ever be interested in finding solace in the companionship of themselves, and their inanimate surroundings. It is the basic nature of man to find solace through association with other humans, and express themselves freely, bond and connect with others.
It is solely because of this reason it is said that man is a social animal, and it is again true that man likes to be driven freely by his emotions, which give birth to desires and expectations.
There is particularly nothing very innately wrong in finding company, or associating with people, until the point that one begins to feel the lack of bonding and the repeated frustration of expectations from the ordinary human companion to reciprocate the same set of ideals or emotions that one may be looking for! The roller coaster ride folks, begins when one’s expectations in relationships are not met and the desire to bond with persons becomes an obsession and one begins to keep on meeting new people, and try to find some divine connect that fulfills the void within!
What is the void within? Despite the fact that all of us remain surrounded by people throughout the days and nights, the void, is rather to be understood as the desire to express oneself to another being, and find the mirror image of oneself in one person! To share one’s personality with someone, have a deep connect, wherein one forgets the limitations of this human form, and begins to feel joyous! The void is the need of the human to connect at varied levels of the psychological maze, where one may either be deeply involved/exposed with someone to just being casual/ formal acquaintances, and each relationship gratifying its own utility in one’s life.
Despite the fact we try to make our relationships work or carry on with our lives as usual there exists a craving for a deeper connect, the desire to find just the better, be it their personal lives, professional lives or social lives, yet! one remains dissatisfied! The desire to find complete expression and reciprocation, yields into frustration for most people in their relationships. And there develops a yearning, a desire to find someone, something, somebody or something indulging and absorbing enough to fill the void!
The void, is the loneliness illusion, which makes a man feel dissatisfied with his relationships, and in trying to find just the perfect relationship, they land up destroying half of their relations, because loneliness is the problem! As we all grew up, our best friends shifted with the phases we got exposed to in our lives to, right from childhood to adolescence and then adulthood! Yet, the gratification never occurs, and the craving continues, and one finds indulgences to avoid the realization of the void!
In the modern day life, we have deep engagement with our fellow human beings through advanced communication channels, while a few decades ago, the void was compensated by novels, music and letters, and the radio! Delayed gratification all of it was. Instant communication definitely isn’t where the solution lies! Then where does the solution lie?
The Hindu scriptures envision a marriage where the wife and the husband become friends with each other for seven consecutive lives to come, while Abrahamic religions tend to give the marriage a more carnal perspective, yet the same is devised on the spirit of friendship between a man and woman! Paramhansa Yogananda, defines the divine love experienced by a man and a woman to be one not tainted by carnal pleasures, but then in today’s world, where we land up polluting the term love right from our teenage, what are we to gain from the social institution known as a marriage, since we have had all sorts of experiences to create barriers in our heads that obstruct building healthy relationships due to our baggage?
The consequence, thus is, either failed marriages, or marriages where spouses land up feeling lonely, despite the fact that they are ideally with their better halves! The void, remains unoccupied! Lo!, it is not just married cats, who feel lonely, it is people elderly, young and even younger who feel lonely, despite being surrounded by people sharing relations with each other at varied levels of psychological maze! The psychological maze, yes it is the same structure of the emotional brain, where we specify someone as ‘just a friend’ to ‘ our best friend’.
Then what do we actually look for in every person through our desire to bond/ share a human connect? Why then are we lonely?
The answer is simple, but is a tough road to take!
We don’t land up finding comfort with our own companionship first, we never grow up to be our own best buddies, and we don’t perfectly express ourself through ourself! We tend to think that we may start feeling better with finding someone, some friend, or a spouse, which never happens, because we are not one with ourself! We don’t know ourself! #knowthyself
Instead we are supposed to know who we are, and find time to see through our own soul, learn the ways of our complex material programming, which shapes our social, professional and personal lives! The time we share with ourselves, the time that we spend with ourselves (which is nowadays restricted to a very few pieces of time, since the blending of internet in our lives) is the time that makes us know ourselves, and know who we are! #knowthyself
Aloneness, is very simply, nothing but finding solace in your own company, enjoying and rejoicing the moments which actually define the gravity in your relations, the depth of your soul and the beauty of you!
Swami Vivekanand said “strength is life, while weakness is death” and to add to it, the Roman proverb, Know Thyself, is an important aspect of our lives, which actually gives shape to a better life to lead in every age!
Psychological, Emotional, and Spiritual reliance, are not the kind of things we desire to gain from outside the bodily temple, but from insides of this bodily temple, by flirting with our souls.
Aloneness, makes one aware of oneself, and find the realms not known to us before. While a blind pursuit of loneliness is just round the corner, and waiting to push you into emotional ditches, and indulgence in things that simply make you ignore yourself more than the last frustrating relationship you had!
It is therefore the Aloneness experience that makes one stand amongst the crowd, and push for a better emotional life. The feeling that makes one strong, and very aware of themselves, yes is Aloneness.
Loneliness is a trap, while finding solace in Aloneness is a process where you tend to befriend your own self, and then grow leaps and bounds, in a variety of spheres of life. Purely because you know yourself, and are in a better position to bargain with life, demand and wish for the right things, and people, and all because you learn who you are!
Loneliness then, an illusion, shall stay with one forever, and Aloneness might just help you find better perspectives about your own life, and spread the clarity around you!