This author happened to encounter many people during the recent lockdown who were vexed about how their past, and the people they either shared a life with in the past, or share their lives with today, are the sources of sorrows and woes to them in their present life.
People had various reasons and logics to support their ideas with many logical assumptions and connections that made them very comfortably say, “yes you, yeah, you are the reason why I am so messed up right now,” now this author wouldn’t know whether the reminder of there is or was a reason to fuel their grips with hate and anger keeps their boats afloat or they are just so clueless about what next has to be done in their lives or they are simply just not interested in themselves that they have the time, energy and all the logical explanations to blame their present state of life on anyone who may or may not matter to them (completely their choice).
This author happened to read the biography of Subrato Roy, the man who made extreme fortunes and was later incarcerated. In one of the chapters he mentioned when he got wedded to his wife, he used to feel so bad for her to see her cook and sweat at the same time, which implied she had a tough time cooking for him, and he felt so bad about it. Later in the same passage he said, he built a kitchen for his wife which had air conditioning, powerful exhausts and not to mention servants to assist Mrs. Roy, but then he recalls, that she even then enjoyed cooking his favourite dishes in the way she used to when she had nothing, and did it all by herself.
This author does not want to get anywhere beyond this with the above, but the way it is, he did whatever he thought would be good for his wife, and she will love it, but she did not seem to pretty much like it, even if it meant putting his own-self behind bars for the sake of that lavish kitchen. The crux here is, whatever we little beings do, we assume we do it for the other person, but actually, we get inspired with our own ego that makes us to be acknowledged by the other person either through our words or actions, since it provides us gratification. Simply put, we do whatever we do for our own happiness, not for the other person.
The whole idea of blaming the other person for the plight in our life is born out of our ignorance to the sheer uncertainty that dominates our own existence in this body, where we are just in this body for a limited number of years, hours or minutes. We don’t concentrate on how to live well, and we live fearing death, and that is what makes us who we are, blaming the other person for our plight.
Hatred and anger don’t bring out good results ever. And when we begin to realise that there is something not right about our own set of thoughts, it is at that point we stop thinking about the other person, but rather shift our focus on our own mind. Our mind has fixed patterns due to which we react, perceive and interpret things people and situations in a particular way.
Then, we find out that it is not just because of the other person, but yes, our own choices, actions, and thoughts made the person(s) or thing(s) a bad experience for us.
These things are no rocket science, it is a simple combination of our own thoughts and emotions focused on evaluating our own mind, which can be done anywhere, anytime and the answers become clear.
When we are told to plan things, and create discipline in our minds first, it is for a reason, and as long as we go on blaming others, we will not be able to accept the change that awaits us.